SLEEP CONCH

Height (cm): 100

Width (cm): 50

Depth (cm): 2

Materials: Felt tip pen on canvas

Date Completed: June 2024

"This work concerns ambiguous grief and self-sabotage (which can also be understood as self-preservation) in relationships." 

"The original text was written shortly after a breakup, in 2023. I transferred it to canvas in 2024, during turmoil in a new romantic relationship. I was the one driving the breakup, despite not wanting it. I suspected that my previously anxious attachment style had pendulum swung to an avoidant one, and that this was partly the result of not having dealt with the trauma of my earlier breakup." 

"The year before, I'd written several post-breakup poems, including Sleep Conch. They were too painful and intimate to read, so I hid them away. I was trying to protect myself by reliving the shock ending, I suppose. But in June 2024, it became clear to me that I needed to give witness to the past pain, or else keep carrying the baggage of it." 

"Writing out two of the poems on canvas was a personal exorcism of sorts. I was attempting to invite my feelings to the surface, so I could begin to make peace with them. (The second poem is The Life You Couldn't See.) Witnessing the pain and longing of my former self was awful but liberating." 

"Ironically, sharing Sleep Conch (on canvas) publicly was the final nail in the coffin of the newer relationship. But it helped me give myself some closure at least."